January’s Burden

It’s a common acceptance – January is probably the worst month of the year for almost everyone. We’re all tired, sick, and broke after the festive season, and the two weeks holidays that we’ve been excited for since summer are now over. And there is not a whole lot to look forward to. On top of all this, there is also the pressure of the New Years Resolutions we made either while drunk before the stroke of midnight, when nursing a hangover and vowing not to drink again, or while tucked up on front of the telly with January seeming far away.

I hate new years resolutions. Nearly two weeks into January, and I already feel like I should be swimming in multiple successes, and here I am, as lazy as ever watching a show about a woman helping messy families clean up their cluttered homes. Which in turn gives me the motivation to clean and organise my flat, but when you live in a tiny studio (which I only brought two suitcases worth of stuff into) It’s difficult to stretch that beyond an afternoon, as much as I may try.

I used to think the problem was time. Not enough time. But now I have come to accept that I actually have too much time and I just prefer to use that time to re-clean my flat and watch television. And worst of all, my binging of TV shows I have watched a thousand times before has now changed to watching bleak, depressing Netflix Original Series which at this rate are starting to all blend into one. I know in my last post, I spoke about my television addiction and how I had enforced a ban of television before 7pm. And I have stuck with it so far. What this gap has left me with is not extra time to be productive but with more time to think of all things I want to do, should be doing, or have to but don’t want to do i.e a lot of time to over think every aspect of my life, and others.

Whoever said that your twenties were a time for mistakes, fun and finding yourself, and your thirties are for settling down, having kids etc. are full of it. How the hell am I supposed to have a well-paid job and a house, and some lovely well-behaved offspring in the next 10-15 years when I am nowhere near remotely close to being emotionally and financially ready to just begin thinking about any of these things.

It’s difficult to stay sane enough to focus on career, family and settling down when everywhere you turn you see mantras like ‘Life is too short’ or ‘Be happy, who knows how much time you have left’ or worst of all ‘Live today like it will be your last’. How on earth can I do all these things while simultaneously trying to figure out an appropriate career path, save money for my future and a mortgage, and find a place to settle down long term?

It is mathematically impossible. Does that mean that everyone in my mindset, must go with the flow depending on whether it’s a ‘You Only Live Once’ kind of day or a ‘I need to get my shit together asap’ day, and just hope in the end it all works out?

Well, I’m just going to go with that for now.

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