Today is my first day off in forever where I have had zero social plans, and its been pretty good. Apart from the sun shining down and coincidentally raising my urge to have a drink, I managed to complete a reasonable amount of errands, but I now realise that it mainly included shopping.
Shopping used to be my life, my hobby and my skill. I used to crave it, and feel so much better after I had fulfilled my need to shop. No matter what I bought, it felt like I was one step closer to becoming an adult. Now, that feeling lasts a couple of minutes until I check my bank account. And then I wonder, should I have saved that money for something important? even if I don’t quite know what that is yet. And no matter how many different ways I style up those trainers when I get home to prove they’re an investment, I still can’t get the price tag out of my head.
So it makes me wonder, is it some weird innate female programming that urges us to shop? Is it society making us feel that we need that new dress so we can seem confident and independent? or is the marketing world just that damn good that it tells us from a very young age that we need that jacket to get ahead in life? I think the latter, or maybe a mixture of all three just to make things complicated.
I’ve noticed lately that whenever I spend money on leisurely things such as shopping, eating out or drinks, that I tell myself; ‘well you’ve been working over fifty hours a week for over a month now, you deserve it’. But now I’m thinking, will I ever get rid of that guilty voice in my head? will I always have to work a silly amount of hours every week just so I can buy some overpriced sunglasses or god forbid, an espresso martini?
I guess avoiding a CV fix up isn’t going to help.